She's In Denial.

30 April 2006

Henry sent me this and I picked out mine.

>----------FEBRUARY BABY -------------------->

Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. (Yea. This is sooooo true. HAHA.) Changing personality.(I agree with both my hands up!) Attractive. sexiest out of everyone. Temperamental.(I am.) Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom.(Typical Aquarian) Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness.Too sensitive and easily hurt.(I agree with the too sensitive part.) Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Horny.(LOL. I must emphasize this) Daring and stubborn. (good thing, bad thing?) Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

See! Now you know more about me. Wahahahhaha.

Anyway, yesterday's 29. 21 mths with few mths break in between. But, nothing special happened.

Hah.

Left`alone
4/30/2006 08:22:00 AM™

28 April 2006

I din't attend school today, all because of my headache.

According to the doctor, what Im suffering from is tension headache. And for my case, it is most likely due to stress level and my habits. Late nights, irregular meals and lack of exercise. Hah.

One pill per day. Omg. So expensive!

Left`alone
4/28/2006 07:53:00 PM™

It wasn't my day yesterday, although most of the things went by smoothly.

School was okay. Actually we have Maths, Music Theory and MIDI which ends at 4.30pm, but Micheal Spicer was on urgent leave, so MIDI lesson was cancelled. Now, I keep refering lectures and tutorials and practicals as 'lessons' cause I freaking have no idea when I have which. And, they seem to make no difference to a course consisting of only 40+ people cause there's no way that we can use the Lecture Theatre for lectures as 40+ people can only fill up 1/6 of the seats. No point.

Anyway, my maths lecturer is damn cute. He seemed to be teaching himself at the same time, feeling so happy and delighted whenever a question was solved.

Everyone was like, =.='' <-- giving this expression. I love Maths. At least it wasn't tough unlike others. Omg. ET. =x

Music Theory is even better. The lecturer just talked for like 10 minutes or even shorter, and I forgot what he had said. So the rest of the lesson, we were doing our work on the theory book. Work that we can just do at home.

Let me introduce Mandric to all of you. He's hardworking and has 48hours per day instead of the norm 24. Talented as well. Heyhey, this photo was taken by our class' hamster okay. Don't get the wrong idea.

I stayed back with Serene to study more on Music Theory when everyone left. With the 'pros' chitting and chatting around, we simply couldn't concentrate. I had found something good studying in poly. Lessons can get very relaxing!

See! Im studying, with my mp3 on, of cause.

And look! Cute right. My doggie. It can dance!

Until then, my day was still as fine as ever. But things started to go wrong when I reached home. My headache got worse, and I got freaking pissed. Let me tell you why.

I was writing, doing my work, on my laptop. Few more words and I am done. But right at this moment, the power supply went off! Fuck right? And my beautiful and lovely work is GONE.

%*^!$%^$%#!$^!&^(&^%%^$#^%

Damn it. The hard-to-come inspiration; worse still, I forgot what I have written. There is no freaking way that I can re-write the exact same stuff again. It was really good!!

But hey, my bad day didn't end here. Later on in the night, he got jealous full-blast and started quarrelling with me. All the shit came out of his mouth. It was as if Im not sick enough or not stress enough. He said that whenever he wants to talk to me, I would be talking to someone else. But hey! Whenever I want to talk to him, he would either not be able to pick up, in his dream land or busy. His schedule is hectic as well. Take today, Friday, for example. I planned to spend the day with him after school. His lesson ends at like 3 and he did say that I could meet him after that for lunch-or-dinner-or-what-so-ever. He said it himself. But yesterday night, he told me that his lesson ends at 5. After that, he changed his statement, saying that he gotta do project till 5. Then after that, he changed again by saying that he got street soccer till 5. Maybe there's some misunderstanding over here. But all these just showed that he was uncertained of what to say. And naturally, I interpreted it as he was trying to come up with a lie. This added on to what we were quarrelling about. And he said things like "why can't you be happy for me when I am happy with my life" and "they are my NEW friends". How can I be happy when I feel neglected and excluded from your 'life'? And yes, they are your new friends. So as an 'old' friend of yours, I should give in? Everytime when I am with you, you would be talking about how much fun you had with your new friends and how much you enjoy being with them. Oh well, I am jealous as well.

ahhh. I know the reason for him to be jealous. He had the reason for being jealous! But his reaction was too extreme.

So yesterday night, both of us were feeling jealous and nothing went straight into our mind. My headache was killing me as well. That explains why Im not on my way to school now.

You know I love you more than I can say.

Left`alone
4/28/2006 07:15:00 AM™

25 April 2006

Blogger.com is always down whenever I want to blog; killed my mood for blogging, and this explains my recent lack of post.

School is as fun as ever, lecturers are as humourous as ever too. But having to wake up at 7am daily is tough and tiring. I am falling sick and all due to it! I need my beauty sleep. Hah. Better be like Mandric and start sleeping at 10pm everyday.

Yesterday's ET was bad. I couldn't get the scale right and when my classmate[s] tried to be helpful by showing me the correct one, I got freaking confused and screwed the rest of the lesson. My pipa's tuning is confusing me la. =x Cuz the CO's tuning is different from the western ones. And because I am so used to the CO's it is kind of difficult for me to switch! In another word, I gotta practise damn hard in order to survive. Ditch my pipa and start dating piano. =.='' hah. Im just kidding here! Pipa stays. Piano joins in. =D

I told you, I ain't feeling well. Was suppose to go SimLim with the rest to buy the extra expensive headphones but I wasn't feeling well. So i went home instead.

It rains and rains and rains; raining still.

Wanna know how much I miss you? Go count the raindrops.

Left`alone
4/25/2006 04:34:00 PM™

21 April 2006

Tell me why when I just want to be kind, everything goes wrong immediately.

Left`alone
4/21/2006 11:43:00 PM™

20 April 2006

How weird is it to get lost in SP twice a day? It's VERY WEIRD.

Our first lesson was in T17, but none of us noticed it. So, we walked all the way to T20, which is at the very right of SP and Uh-huh, realised that our class was in T17, somewhere in the middle of SP. And we found T18, T19; T17 nowhere to be found, but actually, it's just directly in front of us.

Then later in the day, we were LOST AGAIN. We did go to the specific room but nobody's there. Apparently, everyone was at a faster pace then us. AH. In the end, we had to bother our lecturer to bring us down to the studio where everyone was.

Went dinner with sq n dj after that. And I feel damn out of place; extra. Especially with what happened in the past and what my sensitive 6th sense tells me. And with my super duper headache hurting like shit, everything was damn freaking weird. I din't talk much. There's so many thoughts running through me and it was utterly inexplicable. I'd tried talking in my usual way, but I lacked the courage to really speak to him. I might sound okay but Im actually trembling with fear inside me. Any friend of mine could tell through my eyes; the uncertainty and such.

I just feel so stupid as well. Can u imagine? I accidentally knocked my head against the bed and ouch. Fuck it. My headache was bad enough already. Popping pain killer seems to be a daily affair for me. Sucks. I don't like it.

Luckily everything is fine between me and him. If not, I can just die.

Left`alone
4/20/2006 09:30:00 PM™

18 April 2006

School was fun. It is always so fun. =x

And there will be a CCA drive tml. Kinda excited about it. Haha.

Anyway, today's entry is a short one. Im just not in the mood to do so. It's not my day again. I seriously have no idea why I keep on getting pissed by him. Is it me or is it him?? Ahh. I need someone to guide me through all this nonsense. Please. I want things to get better. Really. Sincerely.

Left`alone
4/18/2006 09:53:00 PM™

17 April 2006

First day of school is FUN! Although I can say that today's not my day.

First was keyboard skill. Ok. I sux at keyboard skill cuz I don't play the keyboard or piano. But anyway, I am coping fine-ly well, well-ly fine with it.

Wahaha.

Then 2-hour break. Went to slack at library with Serene, Chloe and Jiamin.

Then went for our ear training module. Fun Fun Fun!

I just love it.

Love cannot be measure by the saying of ' I love you' everyday, but from every little thing that happened in life and the sense of security as well as care'n'concern that are being shown in small simple actions.

Do you know...?

Left`alone
4/17/2006 07:59:00 PM™

16 April 2006

Today's my last day of holiday and I had tried my best to commemorate it.

Woke up damn early this morning for a swim and I am darker, tanner, and is suffering from a slight burnt now. Haha. I couldn't believe that I am burnt. HELL. But it's still okay. Had great fun over there with my cousins. And, I managed to get another cousin of mine to step into the water.

Went to top up on my stationery after that. School gonna start real soon! Another 13 more hours? I gotta reach SP at 9am. AH. Tomorrow is the one and only monday that I can go home early cuz my Japanese lesson will start on the monday the week after and it ends at around 7pm? Hectic life. Haaa. I even plan to take up 2 ccas, try stuff that I have never tried before and be a real good student this time.

I will be damn busy; I hope I will be. It's better than having nothing to do and feel the loneliness all the time. I rather be the one who's busy. =x

There's one last thing that I wanna do today. To hug him tightly in my arms and feel his warmth, love, care and concern. I do miss him much; a lot and plenty. I missed those days when we would snug in bed watching moives with snacks and drinks. I missed everything. Hot chocolate. [!!] I remembered the other time when he offered to make a cup of hot chocolate for me, but ended up drinking 2/3 of it. He is just too important to me. We have really been through a lot. Recall.

I miss you.

Left`alone
4/16/2006 07:30:00 PM™

15 April 2006

I received so many anonymous call today!

There were private numbers as well as unknown numbers. OMG.

But my mobile was in silent mode so I din't get a chance to answer them.

ANYONE WHO CALLED ME TODAY, LET ME KNOW WHAT'S UP K. Either call me again or just send me a message.

Thanks a lot! Ps, not that I was trying to avoid those calls, but I really din't see them.

Left`alone
4/15/2006 09:47:00 PM™

What a funny but interesting day.

We planned to go to Causeway Point in the morning, but ended up at Tampines Mall due to the rain rain and rain. Haha. Kinda fed up with it actually. TM is the last place we wanna spend our time at; it is too freaking near and there's nothing interesting at all.

But anyway, we'd no choice. =x

Lunched at Ding Tai Fung. Ordered fried rice, our full-time favourite xiao long bao and tried their new dessert, mango pudding for me and almond pudding for him. We had a fun time there la. lol. And the mango pudding was delicious. He tried 'snatching' it away from me! Haha. Seeing that he was so desperate to eat it, Im very kind to decide to offer him some. You guess what he did next? He tried acting cute by saying 'NO' and shaking his head but his mouth was wide open. I do mean =D <-- THIS WIDE! Haha.

Then we went to the arcade; crowded. Good Friday. That's why. Din't play much. But we saw ZhiAn there. Chatted with him for awhile then we left for 'shopping'. I went to buy a educational game for my cousin to play and learn at the same time since it seems so difficult for him to sit down quietly and do his assesments. Maybe this will be a better way for him to learn. Hah. After that, we shopped the supermarket for instant hot chocolate and pooooof, off to pool.

POOL WAS DAMN FUN I TELL YOU.

I almost win!! And I do mean almost! Just one more left. >.<

I don't care la. Gonna play again. And I am going to win the next time round.

We shall go K-Box some day. OK?

Left`alone
4/15/2006 12:38:00 AM™

13 April 2006

Suddenly, I missed those days spent with my pipa girls and nasco and yu lao shi!

Joined NASCO in secondary 1 but back then, my seniors somehow dislike me. Haha. Must be because I am fierce looking la. Those days were tough. Imagine having to carry our own pipa to school for every practices! For your infomation, pipa ain't light k. According to yu lao shi, pipa is one of the most difficult instrument in CO cuz it has many different ways of producing sound. For example, the basic tan and tiao, gun and lun. Haha. We are basically using all our fingers. And there's jiao, rou and hua xian. WAH. Got many many more! Many dropped out half way through because of these. So whenever the intake is about 7 or 8, after a year, there would be only 5 or 6 left. My juniors worse. They only have 4 left. =x And our seniors were fierce. Once in a while there'll be a mass scolding session being held.

Secondary 2 was fun. I am getting closer to seniors and we had fun at every practice. lol. I was appointed as sec2 leader as well. Back then, responsibility aint that great as there is Zixian, my senior! I love sec2 and 3. Got to know many other people in NASCO and have a feel of the big family. The P&P [pipa and percussion] chalets! Fun nights spent together. Then performances! wheeee! I love performances. The practices and all.

And also, the competitions at Genting.. haha. I remembered rushing into other people's room with other pipa girls! Prank morning calls by Zixian when we couldn't get to sleep! Rushing for competition when we weren't ready! But thanks god our performance wasn't bad.

Sec 4 was a totally different story. Cuz we're already the seniors. Sectional leader ain't great to be. Haha. Especially on discipline matters. Besides this, others were as interesting as ever. Going for performances with few other members, those xiao zu ones are great. We could really mingle well with one another. I still remember playin solo at the opening ceremony of the Teochew Clan or whatever. Haha. Public concert was cool too! Remember Ba Wang Xie Jia with the percussion?? Although there's the stress on taking the lead and tempo and all, and the mess in the last part with the percussion on missing scores, it's a great success i can say. haha. No panic! lol. Wearing our banana suits, tuning the instruments, rushing around looking for new xian and checking the pitch of every pipa, gel-ing our fringe as commanded by yu lao shi and smiling as wide as we could! haha. I miss everything!!

I miss the girls.

Gina, kaki, Yanning, Shiya, Tabitha, kylie, gianhui, chuhui and jielin. And of cuz, the juniors.

And SYF! even though we were kind of disappointed with the result but still, we worked extra hard for it. Practices at NAS as well as metta school. It's like, running here and there.

Awww. Let's meet up soon k!

Left`alone
4/13/2006 01:07:00 PM™

Someone says my blog is addictive.

WAHAHAHA.

Today's not my day. I am down with bad flu. Flooded with tissue papers and AHCHOO-ing noises. This is terrible. This is horrible. This is bad. This is like >.< .

Left`alone
4/13/2006 12:39:00 PM™

12 April 2006

Flag Day was fun! HAHA. It's my first flag day ok! Kind of surprising right? Cuz normally flag day is a 'must' for CIP in secondary schools, but my CIP is always performances or making cards or other things but never flag day. Ngee Ann Tapestry, Performance as AMK Hospital, bla and bla. Haha. I miss those days when Im with NASCO. >.<

Back to my exciting and enjoyable flag day.

I was kind of lazy to wake up early in the morning. Having to leave my comfy bed after a few hours of beauty sleep is torturing and agonizing. Argh. But it's FLAG DAY! Anyway, I managed to climb out of my comfort zone and booooo-ed all the way to the bathroom.

Met Chloe on the train and then train-ed till Chinatown. PSS. The time was like 9 when we reached there. 9 AM IN THE MORNING.

Everywhere was 'infested' with SP-ians. LOL. Nah not infested. Should say that SP-ians were full of enthusiasm.

There's me, Chloe, Rain and Jiamin, walking in a group initially. But you know, we had 'sort of' scared people away. Haha. Imagine! 4 people asking you for donation. Any normal human being will want to run or FLY away immediately. So me and Chloe decided to go to else where. We were soooo damn hardworking! Walked here and there and everywhere! Even to the extent of 'eh?? Where are we?' Cool right. haha.

At last, we found our way and stationed ourselves near Tanjong Pagar [ k. the spelling seemed weird ]. haha. Singaporeans are KIND and HELPFUL. And I do mean it. Quite a number of passer-by would come back with small change to make a donation. heh. Im kinda ashame of myself. =x I don't remember donating money when others are doing their flag day. opps.

Anyway, our tins were almost full. Heavy can?! =P

Train-ed back to Dover to return the tins and sign up for Japanese course as well. =D

I am sooooooooooooooooooo excited about it.

hahaha.

Too bad I din't bring my camera along.

HAha. My wonderful Flag Day.

Left`alone
4/12/2006 11:55:00 PM™

10 April 2006

Promises are BULLSHIT.

Why must I be treated with such treatment from you all the time? You know I hate it. You know I detest it. You freaking know that I hate it to the core. I feel so worthless to you. Every other thing seem to be more important than I am. wtf? Just a freaking phone call and you dumped me with myself. It reminds me of the other time when Im fucking sick. I was literally being left all alone with false hope. You promised that such thing won't happen again, but look. You did it, once again.

Left`alone
4/10/2006 09:46:00 PM™

Yes. I am a lil paranoid in my previous post.

I miss you. Right now.

It's going to be 2am and I ain't sleeping. There is still orientation 7hrs later. And I won't be able to sleep more than 5hours I think. My head hurts, and I ain't feeling good. Must be because of the knock.

I was feeling drowsy and restless, trying my best to force myself to sleep. But I couldn't. My laptop was just under my bed, and I reached for it. But maybe I am too drowsy, or what-ever-reason, I knocked my head against my dressing table and *poof*, I see double.

It just hurts. A LOT.

>.<

I love you.

Left`alone
4/10/2006 01:47:00 AM™

09 April 2006

You better give me a ring before my brain assume that you don't exist at all, forget all about me, lose your freaking memory, got kidnapped by aliens, dropped into the drain and nobody rescue you, trying to act ignorance, stucked in your house's toilet bowl and couldn't get out of it, dropped dead on your bed and snoring away or simply trying to freak me off.

Am I really that not important?

Let me guess. You must be happily snoring away on your comfy bed, saying that you are too damn tired, and keep me waiting for so freaking long.

Prove me wrong pls; are you able to do so?

Left`alone
4/09/2006 07:13:00 PM™

08 April 2006

Like hell.

I seriously need some pain killer. OMGGGGGG.

I can't even walk! Damn it.

Left`alone
4/08/2006 01:33:00 AM™

07 April 2006

I have started working on my tees, BUT my idea keep on changing. So it's like... awww. Haha. Im clueless about how the end product will look like.

I had so much fun today! Haaaaaa.

Jay Chou's Shan Hu Hai is so damn difficult to sing, and I am determined to get the notes and everything right! SEE. I am always so determine to get and do what I want. But, is it good or bad? Argh. NO idea. It's just ME. LOL.

MIT camp. I can't attend.

>>.<<

Hope to see you real soooooooon.

Left`alone
4/07/2006 01:25:00 AM™

05 April 2006

Just finished designing my canvas shoes, and I am going to start my work on the three plain tees I have. Hohohohohohoho.

AND, I plan to design accessories after I've completed the tees.

WAHAHAHA.

EH. Must support me.

Left`alone
4/05/2006 09:32:00 PM™

04 April 2006

I miss you, my dear.

Do you know it?

>.<

Left`alone
4/04/2006 08:27:00 PM™

03 April 2006

Sorry peeps. I wasn't being racist. I am just venting my anger.

Left`alone
4/03/2006 02:35:00 AM™

生命之所以可贵，是因为有自己深爱的人的关心，和一种独一无二的生命力。

当爱渐渐消失温柔不再温柔
我的灵魂开始流浪

当泪慢慢落下家已不再是家
我也只好把它遗忘流浪

人人常说你必须要主动
但为何我伸出了双手得到的却是一无所有

我带着居无定所的心
走向世界的顶端走
那里会有我找寻已久的天空
属于自己的一片灿烂星空

我盲目的追随自我
想找回童年的温柔
但那是个梦低档不住我的寂寞
虚伪的心我不会再默默的承受

再见了，无情的地方。

Left`alone
4/03/2006 12:18:00 AM™

02 April 2006

I seriously have no idea why that man staying under the same roof as me can be so fucking selfish. Just because he wanted to change some minor setting, he kicked up a big fuss. BIG FUCKING IDIOTIC FUSS. wtf is wrong with him?

Oh well, UNSURPRISINGLY, my parents both helped him, and made me looked as though Im so very wrong.

FUCK THEM.

knn.

Left`alone
4/02/2006 10:10:00 PM™

01 April 2006